Category Archives: Humor

Breaking news: Afghan plan incoherent!

Our entire policy in Afghanistan has been inconsistent since the first troops were relieved.  Each replacement unit has attempted to recreate established plans and objectives to satisfy what they thought was the “right” way.  For starters, sample here, here, here, herehere, here, here, here, herehereherehere, and here.  

“The last guy’s great idea wasn’t as good as my new great idea.”  That’s been the only consistent policy every year for the past 11 years.  As other’s have said, “We haven’t been in Afghanistan for 11 years, we’ve just completed 11 one-year deployments.”

So, over the coming years, expect to see a plethora of news articles, like the Wall Street Journal’s “Parting Gift for Afghans: A Military McMansion,” exposing waste in the wasteland of Afghanistan (check-out Firewood grows on trees if you think the “Afghan-right” solution is a panacea).

Whenever the killing of terrorists in Afghanistan was abandoned as the primary (and only objective), the waste began.  Make no mistake, any so-called “investment” in Afghanistan is a waste.  Building any modern security force, government, or infrastructure is doomed to failure for all of the reasons stated in the WSJ article–and then some.

But the ignorance of those commenting on the article is disarming.  While the overall total spent on the Afghan National Security Forces (ANSF) is significantly higher, thinking the +/-$12 Billion spent on facilities would somehow alleviate our domestic spending problem is insane. 

REALITY  CHECK:  If we never spent a dime on infrastructure for the ANSF, it would pay-off 25.9 HOURS’ worth of the 2012 year-to-date U.S. budget deficit ($845 Billion as reported by The Hill)!

While we should leave Afghanistan lock, stock, and barrel (except for perhaps some special forces), leaving is hardly a panacea for our spending problem and it will hardly be a cure for the politically-driven agenda that has become the United States’ Afghanistan policy.

Well, at least we’ll get an “A” for effort.  That and another $16 Trillion will pay-off our spending problem.

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Afghan Air Force growing financially independent

ISAF probably didn’t have this in mind when they established the goal to make the Afghan National Army, or Afghan Air Force, independent and self-sustaining: Afghan Air Force Probed in Drug RunningA complete story (if you don’t have a WSJ account) is at ABC News and elsewhere.

In addition to the donkey-borne IEDs, we now have flying drug mules–who said Afghans weren’t able to adapt and modernize?  It’s good to see that taxpayer dollars are finally going to something that will be endure in Afghanistan.

This puts Joint Ceremonies and operations in a whole new light.

Capitalism Akbar

One treatment for MAJ Hassan and completely different treatment for SSGT Bales.  Not sure if this is the original author or not, but worthy of reposting.  From Capitalism Akbar:

Islam and Liberal Relativism: A LOUSY LOPSIDED Double Standard!!

After reading the headlines about the US soldier who shot up Afghanistan civilians, I couldn’t help noticing an irony. There is all this clamor to quickly bring this guy to trial and execute him, never mind his having suffered a traumatic brain injury.

Yet this Major Hasan, who shot up Fort Hood while screaming Allah akbar, still hasn’t stood trial, and they are still debating whether he was insane, even with the clear evidence regarding his motive: slay as many infidels as possible.

So we have a guy in a war zone who cracks, and he must be executed immediately. But this Muslim psychiatrist who was stateside in a nice safe office all day murders 13, wounds 29 of our own guys, and they try to argue the poor lad suffered post-traumatic stress syndrome, from listening to real soldiers who had actual battle experience.

Two and a half years later, they still haven’t tried the murderous terrorist.

What a double standard.

AAF re-writing the laws of physics

All those years studying weight, lift, drag, and thrust and only now do I learn that what is needed to fly I knew all along.  According to a recent NTM-A blog, English makes flying possible.  So the stick-and-rudder skills aren’t as important after all.

The Soviets just taught the Afghans to fly using their native language as opposed to the international language of flying.  Not only was it easier, faster, and more cost-effective, it undoubtedly cut down on the number of defectors.

Back in the world constrained by gravity, Afghan ground crews are being trained how to repair and maintain the aircraft before they become lawn-darts:  Kandahar Airfield begins teaching its first maintenance fundamentals course

Lesson Number One:  Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.

‘Men who stare at goats’ and other government initiatives

With 76 countries ratifying the United Nations’ Convention on the Prohibition of Military or Any Other Hostile Use of Environmental Modification Techniques, one may wonder just how much the weather can be manipulated by the government (not to mention what else they might be up to).  [George Bush was trying to kill minorities in New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina.  He was just too dumb and hit Mississippi instead–but I digress.]

Adding to the stack of conspiracy theories will soon be this report from www.wired.comAir Force’s Top Brain Wants a ‘Social Radar’ to ‘See Into Hearts and Minds’

The capability analyzes behavior to predict future behavior.  Sounds like high-tech profiling–not necessarily something new.  But with the DoD funding millions on a program to evaluate behavior, who knows what it could become. 

I could care less how much anyone watches what I do, but if you start looking at my heart and mind, we have problems.  From the Holy Bible, God states in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”  Apparently, the government is funding an effort to figure it out.  The Bible also declares God as a revealer of secrets in Daniel 2:47, “The king answered unto Daniel, and said, Of a truth it is, that your God is a God of gods, and a Lord of kings, and a revealer of secrets, seeing thou couldest reveal this secret.”  Imagine that–government with a god-complex.

Good news for anyone that ever clicked “liked” on this blog: “’We do better than human estimates, but not by much,’ one Pentagon-funded predictioneer admitted.”

If you’re excited to run-off and joint the New Earth Army, you may still be ahead of your time.

Lactation and world peace linked?

This crazy headline from www.foreignpolicy.com caught my eye:  Clinton:  State drawing down in Afghanistan, building more lactation rooms in Washington.  The caption says it all regarding the State Department priorities. 

The headline wasn’t given a second thought at the time except to thing “more excess government spending.”   However, a very interesting thing caught my eye a couple of weeks later.  Perhaps these lactation rooms have some mystical power that we should have harnessed long ago–the Special Operators are apparently interested in them and planning for them at their facilities too:

Notice the label in the upper right of the site plan

Maybe the reason the Taliban is still mad at us is that we are only building for temporary lactation.  A little obtuse fun at the expense of our Afghan translators–the intended word is “location.”

But seriously–forget lasers, smart bombs, special tactics, and non-lethal weapons–maybe the Secretary of State is really on to something.  Lactation (and literacy centers) may bring the enemy to their knees.

ANDU, ADU, NMAA, ANSU. . . Let’s call the whole thing off

The following is an NTM-A version of a “snuff film” since the British Advisors prohibited its filming due to security concerns surrounding the upcoming grand opening of the “West Point” of Afghanistan (don’t worry, the film is completely G-Rated although the millions spent on British pet-projects is unfit for any audience).

Keeping a $200 million dollar project on the “down-low” is tough enough with the neighbors stealing building supplies (allah providentially providing, of course), but for the Engineers to publicly proclaim the project via YouTube is over-the-top.

Western building materials are in great supply near ANSU (or pink EIFS buildings and double-pane windows have become de rigueur)

Since the Brits refer to the site as the Afghan National Defense University (ANDU), others refer to it as Afghan Defense University (ADU), the Engineers refer to it as Afghan National Security University (ANSU), and the site will be the home of the National Military Academy of Afghanistan (NMAA), Religious and Cultural Affairs (RCA) Branch School, Legal School, and numerous other schools, the operational deception is sure to confuse anyone looking to cause trouble. . .

. . . Until now.